Whether you’re a traveler or an expat, getting a date in Asia isn’t always easy, even though most people try to convince you that the other way around is true.
The cultural shock gets even the best of us because this continent is huge. Even if you are Asian yourself, dating outside your own culture is challenging.
Of course, it is also lots of fun.
Asian girls are brilliant, sophisticated, family-minded, open minded… you can really find your perfect match here. And this is your field manual for meeting them: dating in Asia as a foreigner.
It’s Not Black And White
Dating in Asia comes in a variety of experiences. Which is why the following is NOT true:
All Asian girls are either devils or saints.
My Ultimate Guide to Asian Women
I don’t blame you for thinking that. I used to believe it, too. When I first started traveling around Asia (SEA, specifically), guys in expat bars would categorize local women with broad, offensive strokes.
Truthfully, you cannot treat “Asia” as a single country. Dating in Tokyo is worlds apart from dating in Manila, Jakarta, or Mumbai. Depending on the region and the local culture, you will meet very different types of people with completely different expectations. Speaking of which, make sure to read my guide for foreigners dating in India here.
And everywhere in the world, the sweetest girl can turn out to be in it for the money, while one who leaves a bad first impression could really be a saint.
Goody-Goody Gals
This is probably the way most people think about Asian girls. It’s the most common stereotype: they’re sweet, they’re a bit shy, extremely polite, and won’t say no to a foreigner. They come from a decent family and they want a decent family for themselves, usually ready for it sooner rather than later.
Depending on the region, goody girls might also be very religious. In the Philippines, the Catholic church plays a major part in everyone’s life. Muslim women in Indonesia are also often like that.
But being an innocent romantic doesn’t always have to do with faith. Usually, it’s just the way she was raised. That’s why being close to her family is the number one quality of nice girls in Asia.
High-Context Communication
Westerners are used to laying all our cards on the table, being very direct and sometimes blunt. We say what we mean, but in many Asian cultures, people communicate indirectly to save face and maintain social harmony. This is called a high-context culture.
If you expect a girl to directly spell out her boundaries or frustrations, you should think again. Pay attention to body language and read the room (and the person). If she says “maybe” or changes the subject, that is usually a polite “no.” Rarely you will get direct, one-word rejection, as you would in some Western countries – as it happens with Danish women, for example.
Instead, learn to read between the lines, know what rejection really is in this part of the world, and this will save you a massive amount of headaches.
How to Approach Asian Girls
You have to be careful when you date the goody-goody. She is sensitive but not naive. If anything, good girls act overly suspicious of men. They don’t want to be taken advantage of and the problem is that many foreigners come thinking that this is exactly what they should do. It makes sense for them to be more cautious and aware.
This means that, generally speaking, you won’t have much luck if you’re not looking for a relationship. Only seeking a hookup buddy It would never work between you and a good girl, but this doesn’t mean you don’t have options.
The key to getting and keeping the “good” girl here is initiative.
She wouldn’t dare approach you, even if she likes you. A girl taking the first step is seen as immodest and completely unladylike. Go talk to her first!
When you do, be very respectful. The same goes for after you get together. Asian women are fun and playful and amazing partners, but don’t try to push her. She won’t go beyond her limits anyway, and you will just ruin a potentially amazing relationship. That also means you’ll be out of the picture faster than you realize.
Getting back to meeting her, there are always options. I found that going the online dating route is incredibly effective today. Tinder and Bumble are global, but you need to download the regional apps if you want real results. Try Tantan in East Asia or Omi in Southeast Asia.
The Perfect Date In Asia
You got the perfect girl. Here is a perfect Asian date:
First, remember that what is trivial to you, is cool to her. Asian girls like Western guys. They represent a different culture, full of fun things (that she’s mostly just seen at the movies).
Go all out by cooking her something from back home. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Even peanut butter and jelly might be exotic to an Asian girl, but you can try to do a bit better.
Karaoke is very popular in Asia. It could be fun for a first date but do expect her friends to show if you choose this route.
Yes, really. At the early stages in countries like the Philippines, women sometimes stick to group dates or bring a chaperone.
I remember my friend was so shocked when he discovered that. He got back and wouldn’t stop repeating Every third date in Asia is a group date, it’s insane.
I didn’t believe him.
But then I saw it for myself.
If you want to get some intimacy, you have to pick the right location. I personally love hookah bars. Apart from enjoying the hookah, I find them to be very sensual.
Apart from enjoying the atmosphere, I find them to be highly social yet relaxed. You can sit close, chat, and all of her friends could still be there. She wins, and you win too.
Going back to the “what is normal for you is cool to her” theme, playing pool is another cool idea for a date in Asia.
I know, I know, you play pool with your guy friends, not with a date. But it is kind of perfect. You get to teach her and that involves getting close. It’s a perfect way to break the initial physical barrier – but just beware not to make her feel uncomfortable. Good girls back down on that, so if you see the slightest sign that she doesn’t like it, back down immediately.
In other words, keep it light. Night markets and local street food tours also make fantastic, pressure-free dates.
The High-Society Scene
High-society women in hubs like Singapore or Hong Kong live entirely different lives. These women come from very wealthy families. They are highly educated, well-traveled, and play by global rules.
These girls are open-minded and know how to enjoy themselves at elite venues. These are also the type of women who are more open to hookups, but remember that crossing social boundaries in high-society circles can be complicated.
I tend to avoid the ultra-rich circles simply because I do not have the bankroll to hang out in those exclusive places. But if you do, expect these circles to be more Western than you’d think they’d be.
Handling the Language Barrier
Unless you are an absolute linguistic genius, you will face a language barrier sooner rather than later. But don’t let it stop you. English proficiency varies wildly between a corporate worker in Kuala Lumpur and a barista in rural Thailand, but you will see that the ladies in this region are generally open to doing their best to communicate.
Take advantage of modern technology and make sure you have a solid translation app before your date (or, even better, before setting foot in Asia).
More importantly, have some patience and show the effort of learning basic local phrases, don’t just expect everyone to learn YOUR language. Saying “thank you” or “you look beautiful” in her native tongue goes a very long way instead of being that foreigner who thinks that even though they’re the visitor, people should understand them, not the other way around.
What Are Asian Relationships Like?
It doesn’t matter if she’s from Japan or the Philippines or even Mongolia, here is how you recognize her:
Her House Is Clean And Beautifully Decorated
Asian women are pros at work-life balance. Even though they have careers, Asians prioritize creating a comfortable home.
Sure enough, they complain sometimes. In some parts, complaining is a national sport. But maintaining a beautiful home environment comes naturally.
Whether she lives with a roommate or her family, a “good Asian girl” makes it a point to help out at home.
Oh, and by the way, you will have to take off your shoes. Better make sure you’re wearing clean socks and that you use some sort of anti-odour smell!
There is no Asian girl that would have you dragging in dirt from the street but BO can ruin the romance faster than anything!
Filial Piety is Everything
Family approval is not a bonus here, or something that’s good to have – it’s usually the core requirement for a serious, happy relationship.
The concept of filial piety dictates a deep respect for parents and elders. If her parents do not like you, your relationship most likely has an expiration date. Show up with a gift when you meet them and dress better than you think you need to and be likeable, like the likeable person you already are anyway.
She Doesn’t Flirt Casually
Asian women tend to be more shy and more introverted than in Europe or the US. Dating and marriage are taken seriously here.
After all, that’s what she saw in her own family. Asian girls wouldn’t even think of cheating – they consider it disrespectful to both their partner and themselves.
For that same reason, nice Asian girls aren’t very big flirts. They are looking for THE one. Once they find him, it’s endgame. Sorry boys, no time for distractions.
She Is Devoted To The Relationship
One thing is sure. When these women commit, they truly commit. Asian dating culture can be a bit awkward at first because modern career demands clash with traditional expectations and there are times when it feels that nobody knows what they’re doing.
But trust me, everything comes from a place of love.
Or at least that is what most do, because the modern world has crept into Asian culture as well, and now we see people putting relationships and family on the back burner because they’re so difficult.
When an Asian girl does get a serious boyfriend, she appreciates how lucky both of them are.
There are hundreds of ways to celebrate the relationship – from cutesy love apps to wearing matching styles.
Love it or hate it, one thing is for sure – Asian women would value you as a partner and make a strong effort to sustain and grow the relationship.
She Wants Kids
Being childfree is fun, but in most Asian cultures it’s seen as a life wasted. Leaving a legacy through your children is deeply woven in the way people think.
Asian girls are rarely down for marriage without children. The natural progression of a relationship, they think, is that it goes on to become a marriage and a baby carriage.
Handling Dating Life in Asia As A Foreigner
Whether you are just traveling or relocating for the long run, a new culture will always come with surprises. Consider yourself lucky to have the chance to explore and try to meet some expats since they can guide you.
But when it comes to dating locals in their native country, try not to act like a caricature of a foreigner. Relax and explore dating as you go. You will find so many similarities, so there is no need to get hooked on the differences.
One thing I do find to be effective is just asking a local what to do. Not everyone is comfortable discussing their personal life, but most people are happy to help you understand their culture. It is a great way to bond and make new friends.
And also ask her. Do not tiptoe around your girlfriend wondering if you are doing something wrong. Simply ask her to tell you if something is off. Because of that high-context communication we talked about earlier, she might pull the classic “you know what you did” routine. You will have misunderstandings. All of this is completely normal. Relationships always involve friction when two cultures meet.
The bottom line is not to be intimidated. As the Romans said (centuries and centuries ago):Â I am human, I consider nothing human alien to me. Asian women are amazing, so relax, treat them with respect and enjoy the ride!
